But it is so attractive!!

Some clarification on my views of what is called these days: The Law of Attraction.

I think the philosophy has merit and it is effective at certain times in one's life. In particular, when one is in transition, or when one's life is dis-entangled from any other being but themselves- such as during road trips or break-ups. It is a powerful perspective in moments when life seems so incomprehensibly painful. Believing in a all loving Universe enables us to create our lives can be pretty much all that gets us through the night. It is also more effective the further you remove yourself from natural laws. It is a man-made concept custom designed for a man-made world.

Maybe it works in other situations and I do actually use many of its components in my philosophy. So it ain't all bad.

But it sure isn't a LAW.

It is an idea. It is an interpretation that has enough anecdotal evidence to border on a Science/Religion. I think it is a useful perspective if the person is sufficiently experienced enough to dabble in cosmic duality and manifesting divinity. But like all pseudo-scientific religions, it is potentially harmful. The true masters of this mindset are people who spend extraordinary amounts of time and energy in spiritual and mental disciplines, generally in remote retreats and often in isolation. They are detached enough from their desires to dance with the Universe with such grace that it appears that the Universe is following. They are humble and grateful and ironic in their understanding of how small they really are in the big picture of things. They tend to be the kind of person who is content with being irrelevant in their own destiny.

Think of how long it took Christ, Mohammed, or Buddha to understand their own words.
Think of what they must have had to go through to reach that level of divinity.

Yet, people write a book or read it and become disciples, masters and teachers.

I think my feeling that disciples of Attraction are arrogant comes from their tendency to look at those of us who are bobbing around in the current as being somehow "Less" because we aren't in the boat with the propeller and the rudder with them. Sure, we aren't as in "control", but at least we are in the cosmic river rather than stirring up waves that disturb the rest of the Universe. If you want to skim the surface, go for the boat. But if you really want to experience life here on Earth, then you have to be prepared to get wet, to get bumped around a bit and to feel totally a victim once in a while.

All I know is that I don't know much. I like being a part of nature. I like thinking I was damn lucky to get all my hay in this year and that my neighbor was unlucky to have had theirs rained on. So it is only out of common decency that I don't allow myself to think "my vibrations were at one with perfection, but he must have been creating from some less than perfect belief system". Because on any given day, I may be him and he may be me. I prefer the freedom being a passenger gives me over the incredible stress of being a god.

But if you want to play god, and it is working for you, then Hallelujah! I would love to come along for the ride because that is part of the river and I LOVE the river of life. Just don't judge me for being mortal and don't ask me to worship your god.

To be continued of course.

That pesky glass

My last post saw Renee in her less than happy mode.

Things happen. Sometimes it is personal, most of the time not. It is the times that are not personal that are interesting to me because so much of my upbringing in the "create your reality" 1980's and '90's wants to desperately believe that the Universe spins its web purely for my edification. That somehow I made that horse kick, thereby enabling me to live in denial of that particular individual's own drives. In a perfect world, this was meant to happen. Besides, if it were a result of my vibrations then I could believe her to be trustworthy. But, alas she is a horse and a horse is a horse no matter the breed. Horses kick.

So I got kicked and now I have to work on her awareness of my insignificant and fragile body so that she will be careful when I am around her. Blame in this instance is perfectly appropriate. It directs action, it places consequences upon the proper source and it frees me to spend my time correcting the situation rather than puzzling over what it is my spirit might be trying to tell me.

I often wondered where responsibility became creativity in the philosophy of Attraction? Anyhow, it doesn't seem to hold much salt with the non-human species I have interacted with. Frankly my dear, they don't give a damn- they just do.

So, what's with the glass?

Half-full or Half-empty.

Standard enough metaphor. Used by countless optimists to prove their superiority to countless pessimists. If you are a half-full person then you are supposed to see openings; half-empty sees the world as lacking. I've been a half-full girl my whole life- after all "turn manure into gold" is my motto. Turns out I have been a judgmental and silly girl. You see, my partner- the oft misunderstood Denise, is a half-empty girl. Nothing is ever enough! You can imagine the fights we have had.

One day I decided to do what I always do when we fight. I let her be right and then I open my mind to the consequences. In this particular situation, half-empty meant that there was room for MORE liquid in the glass and half-full meant that the glass was just fine thank you very much. In a later, more enjoyable moment with Denise we discussed other areas in which half-full may be not so desirable. Half-full diaper being the most picturesque. Although half-empty wouldn't really be so wonderful either.

To translate into practical coaching: if your diaper is half-full so you see your world as perfect (ala The Law of Attraction) , then you are welcome to sit in your own mess as long as you like. You are the one who is responsible for the diaper after all. Similarly, if your diaper is half-empty but it is the only diaper you have, then maybe it will do for a little while until you can get another.

So my answer to the riddle?
Depends.

what is it all about?

I have gotten kicked in my bad knee. This will be the 7th time something has happened to this knee over the past 4 years. Usually just as I start to feel I can maybe work out????

New Agers would have a field day with this. This is the philosophy that states: we create our world and our experiences, that we can overcome everything by manipulating our brain waves and that in some strange way, all that exists is here just for our edification.

POSH! such arrogance!

But that is not really what this post is about.

This post is about not having a clue. I have no clue about anything today. This is not to say that I don't have ANSWERS. I always have ANSWERS, but they are just possibilities, reasons, excuses, fun things or whatever. Ultimately they are just WORDS.

Which is funny since I believe that 90% of what is communicated at any given moment between any given being is feelings, sensations, impressions, emotions, experiences, vibrations- all these things that have to be translated into words for us humans to validate with more words.

I guess that is why this picture "spoke" to me today. It has no words, but it is very clear what it is all about.

I wish more of life were this clear.

PLAY- under construction

One day I will put my own heart picture on my web, but for now this will have to do. For those heart surgeons and med students out there, I apologize for taking such liberties with my metaphor.
P.L.A.Y.
Practice. Learning. Actualization. Yo-Yo.
Practice corresponds to the flat line.
Learning takes place on the up beat.
Actualization is that wonderful moment when it all seems to be in the FLOW.
Yo-Yo is all that time spent wondering what the hell happened to the Flow and how the hell we get back there.
And then we are at the flatline.
I think of Practice as the study or art of creating habits. It is commonly referred to as the plateau and we all hate the plateaus. But, this is where most of life is lived so I guess we had better get used to it. It is actually the place in which we should strive to return and to maintain as long as possible- but not so long that we totally flatline since that would be the end of that TV show. Think of it this way, would you want to spend the day with your heart racing at 120+ beats per minute? Or cruise along with a heart that can take the load and still run somewhere between 60 and 80 bpm?
Believe me, it is the coming down from the workout high that is wonderful, not the being there.
Practice/plateau is also the stage of recovery. It is here that lessons learned can be put into context, muscles can re-build and life can go back to "normal". Rest is vital to any training regimen.
Learning is the training. We want to stress ourselves with challenges that are just about NOT do-able. We want to experience enough success to keep going without disrupting our regular heart beat too much or too often. It is not a comfortable place, but it is an exciting place. Most of the time we are not actually present but rather are totally focused on our objective.
Actualization is what we all think is the goal. It is that great moment when things just click and you swear you walk with the angels. Are at least just a few steps behind. But it is not a sustainable place. To make this the goal is to insist that your heart beat faster and faster, you do not allow yourself rest, you do not make repairs or learn the lessons. But Lord, it is a fine view while you are up there.
Yo-Yo.
The trip down and up and down and down and up.
You will find yourself unable to stop talking. You will find yourself wanting feedback, being overly emotional, you will be moody. You will try and succeed, you will try and fail. The harder you cling to the last peak, the longer you will spend in free fall. You NEED. This is the state of being which makes one seak out a coach. This is the playground for coaches. The fitter the client, the sooner they will bounce back to their flat-line and be ready for another cycle.
lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub.
This is the one constant in your entire existence. It can be manipulated, injured or trained, but ultimately it is solid. Like change. Like your mind. Learning to listen to your heart is a great way to learn how to live one's life.
Besides, it is yours.
So, PLAY is my model for coaching as it is my model for existence. And I do mean the word as well as the acronym.
To be continued.

Frozen Ground

I have often wondered why New Year's resolutions are made in January- other than the obvious "new year" answer. The ground is frozen and not a good place to plant seeds.

I suppose if your resolution were put into a small pot on a warm and bright windowsill, or in a terrarium- it might grow. Given careful and tender attention, come Spring it could be put into the newly thawed ground. Harvest it sometime in the summer, save the seeds and start again with the same but different plant the following year.

Maybe that is why so many New Year's resolutions don't make it past the first month. They are put into frozen ground instead of given time to establish roots, adjust to the climate, and to become strong and self-sufficient. And there we are- poking, proding, yelling and tugging at the seedling of a dream instead of getting to know this new individual for whom we are the source of life and protection.

So in light of the frozen ground, the harsh winds and the bitter cold, I am going to nurse my dream and keep it inside until the right time for planting.

Meeting new people

When a calf is born it knows it has to stand up and find some sort of projecting thingy that should be in some sort of warm place. Once there, it has to figure out how to get it's mouth and tongue to work. All the while it is learning to spin on these wobbly stick things as the mother whirls around wanting to lick her baby. She is mooing. There are usually a goodly number of other warm, breathing, fuzzy things around and occasionally a really annoying 2 legged thing that instinct says is all wrong. However, the calf also seems to know that this two-legged thing is a good and often very helpful in getting to that magic warm, milky spot. Sometimes that strange human thing is a pretty nice substitute.

It's not easy.

When people meet, eyes scan for similarities and differences; ears listen for familiar words while the brain is either speaking or preparing to speak; smells are unconsciously taken in and analyzed but mostly our intuition is running wild.

It is much easier over the Internet because our words can be carefully edited, tone is missing and all the visual, auditory and olfactory details are absent. The question is- are we really meeting this new person or are we merely creating a character in our imagination?

When I meet a new calf I often wonder if I am not merely creating a character onto whom I can write a story. What would this calf be if it were born alone on the range? Would it have a cow name? Does that individual exist as an individual if I do not name it?

I always name all my animals. Their names come into my head and somehow they fit. I have named a few that did not fit and those often do not seem to belong in what I call Dr. Dolittle land. But those who do like their names, who seem to like having a separate essence from the herd, change and become more than cow/bovine/animal. They become themselves.

There have been babies born here with whom I felt nothing. Others that have felt like old friends. Many that have grown on me and a few that I can't imagine life without.

There have been people I met once and wanted to have as a friend forever. Others have felt like a meal to be enjoyed and then forgotten. Many to whom I have grown accustomed and a few that make my life beautiful. I still don't understand it and maybe never will, but it is very cool.

The Game of Prediction

Here's my man Flan as a week old baby. He's four now and a master at teaching bravery. Today he reminded me that the only way to be brave is to feel fear. Courage comes from dealing with your fear in a focused and direct fashion. He is always so honest about showing me his fear, how big it is and how it makes him want to run. As a baby, he used to run away at the slightest scary moment. Now he and I play a game called "Prediction". Rather than walking the trails expecting bad things around every tree trunk, he and I predict that there might be something scary here but not over there. What used to be a walk full of anxiety on both our parts has become a really fun exploration. Will the dog jump out of the bush there or a few yards down? When it happens as we predicted, we both feel pleased. If not, then we feel maybe a little let down but all the more eager to predict the next scary moment. The stronger the fear, the greater his curiosity seems to be. If something is truly scary we are both prepared for it and so aren't taken by surprise which is truly an awful thing. Maybe that's why horror movies can be such a thrill. You can predict that the monster will be hiding behind that door and even though you jump when they grab their intended victim, there is a feeling of confidence in your own judgment.

Flanagan has taught me to trust my fear, to listen to his and to learn to react appropriately to the level of fear either one of us is experiencing. He's taught me that whenever someone gets pushed past their fear threshold, they will react with anger and violence if necessary. When that happens, a sorrowful apology and an empathetic understanding seems to heal the loss of trust. Then it becomes really important for us both to be aware that our fear threshold will be a little lower because of the breech. Basically, we can go back to predicting that we will be a little scared of each other and that we both might need to go a little slower.

Because he shows me his fear and understands mine, it is all the easier to get back to feeling the love and fun.

Thanks Flan!