Sunday, March 15, 2009


Last night my girlfriend and I discussed what we would do if things got really bad. Scary movie bad- and not 1950's scary movie bad. She was fired up and definitely ALIVE! I was tired and definitely LAZY. This led to some conflict and concern over whether or not we would go it together etc. Mostly the problem was that she had been thinking about it much of the evening and I had been thinking about chocolate cake and how much I love my horses Phoebe and Lila. So I was not quite prepared for Armageddon. But perhaps that's a realistic situation.

She is one of the most amazing people. She is capable, well-versed in the natural and the liberal arts, immensely likable, spiritual AND practical (personally I think this is one of the hardest states of being to achieve) and most of all she is my good good thing. I am crazy about her.

If things get crazy bad, everyone is going to wish they had Denise. She is the person to call for just about anything and she is terribly fun to be with as well.
I am at a little bit of a loss today as to what value I would have on a desert island or a situation of the Worst kind, even though I know I am a pretty handy little lesbian who can wear a dress or live in the bush with equal ease. But here is my conundrum.

Denise said that she felt like most of her life she has been preparing for the worst and obtaining at least the basic skills to deal with said worst. I believe most of us unconsciously spend much of our lives preparing for something. Some of us are lucky enough to find ourselves supported and plopped into the right environment to use those skills. If you are really fortunate you find that what you have spent your whole life training for is also something that really turns you on.
I am lucky in that I have found myself life a pretty close to picture perfect life. My is as I dreamed it since I was a kid. I have Denise, land, a nice functioning body, some good friends, I can talk and walk with the animals and I have this interesting brain. I also have great horses, and as my friend Jo said, I have Lila (see picture). If I were an 11 year old girl, I would want to be me now. Hell, if I were a 43 year old anyone, I would want to be me right now.
So, survival.
The thing is, my life as it has prepared me makes no sense given what I want from it. My life has been spent in cities, surrounded by people, having to learn how to fit in and work with (aka manipulate) human realities and psychology. It is thoroughly city.
Here's me as a kid: Rocky Mountains, hiking- in my mind I am a panda bear named Bigfoot (stuffed bear) riding his horse Pachudo (still sleeping with her after 42 years) while my brother is a lobster (Sinbad- also stuffed) and we lead a troop of various other animals in a crusade against humans. We make epic battles and kill hundreds. My entire library (except for Mrs. Wilder) was composed of animal stories. I spent 4 months living in my tiger Halloween costume, in a tree or under the dining room table. Honestly, I really haven't changed that much.
My 1st journal entry at 14 reads, "all I want is to live in the middle of the woods with the animals, totally living away and without need of other humans."
I really wouldn't mourn the extinction of humanity one bit.
So why is it that I have spent most of my life studying the human species? I have had to learn how to be one, how to get along with them, I like being with some and I truly do care for individuals, but as a species I find them a tad irritating. I am not even sure people like me very much. I know I am "odd". And now I am a life coach.
But, if our lives are spent in pursuit of the skills we will need to survive or thrive- where do I fit in if things get really bad? What skills do I have that will be of value? Why am I what I am when it has so little relevance to my life as Bigfoot?
Hopefully things won't get bad so I won't ever have to find out.
But here's my latest fantasy:
I used to think I was cursed like Cassandra of Troy who was fated to see the future- only no one would listen to her and indeed they would do just the opposite. The poor girl was eventually raped by the Greeks and tossed off a cliff. Not a very good role model. But, mythology has also the Delphic Sybil. A priestess who lives alone in a cave with people bringing all sorts of goodies to listen to her speak. She doesn't even have to make sense and they still listen!!! HEAVEN.
This I think will work for me. If things get bad and you need some advice- please bring chocolate cake and half & half as well as your questions and maybe, if the gods so desire, I will tell you what you need to know.
The best part is that Denise could be there too.
Oh... maybe I have this already.

1 comment:

Wildwych said...

I have been reading your blog and enjoying it immensely. I'm trying out the survival of the fittest thing this year and finding it quite overwhelming.
This remains the job description that was written for me. Too many obligations here in the Rockies to apply. Timing was the ONLY problem.